Thursday, May 21, 2015

Regrets and Fresh Starts

As I quickly approach my 40th birthday I have been thinking a lot about what I want the next 40 years to look like. Who I want to be and what I want out of this next chapter of my life. As I look back I can't help but have some regret. You see up until the last few years I have gone through life.. without much thought, without realistic expectations, without God and without reflection.

Im finding that honoring my regrets is how I learn. I can't go back but I can embark on this next phase with more intention, more wisdom and more grace.

I regret letting those mean girls in grade school into my head. I was and am good enough. I wish I hadn't believed them. In my teens I regret doing things to fit in, regret thinking I needed a boys approval to feel confident and wish I'd have tried harder in school. Early twenties brought a husband and babies. I so wish I had just slowed down. Worried less, played more. Stressed less and relished in this precious time. I wish I had been a wife first and a mommy second. My thirties brought me teenagers. Oh how I wish I had trusted my momma heart more and thought through my decisions more thoroughly when it came to parenting decisions.  I still wish I had worried less, and slowed doooown. They don't need to grow up so fast. I am still smack dab in the middle of this season and try everyday to learn from my past mistakes.

I do reflect on what I did right too. If my late thirties taught me anything it's that there is always good and we need to seek it out all day, every day and that we are all just doing the best we can with where we are and life is all about how you look at things.

When my babies were little,  I threw fun Pinterest worthy parties long before Pinterest. I read to my babies, sang to them, built Legos, learned the difference between a backhoe and an excavator. I let my girlie wear "glip-glops" shoes to the store, and ordered endless meals from her restaurant.
I now have a good relationship with both my teens. I have mostly found that balance between parent and friend. They actually like spending time with me, so some where I did something right.

I have learned in the last few years that serving my family and my husband is not a chore, it is my calling. Mowing the lawn so my husband doesn't have to after a long day at work is a privilege not a hard ship. I now know that marriage takes work and I enjoy working at it. It takes time and I make the time. That the few minutes it takes are worth it. That if we are ok, everything will be ok. I was not raised to believe this. This is new territory for me and I feel more confident in my role as I honor my own thought and belief about my life.

Years ago I wasn't happy even though I was living my dream life. I let toxic noise from toxic people into my head, I was going through the motions, when things went wrong I couldn't handle it. I knew there had to be a better way..  I just had no idea how to get there.

But God knew.. When my world felt turned upside down he showed up a clear as day so together we could turn it right side up, the right way. I learned that this life really is what we make it, with God anything is possible and your past or what people have told you do not determine your future. That some people don't belong in your life no matter how important they are to you and that running from trouble isn't the answer. But most of all that I can be happy right here right now even when things are messy.

The other day I was listening to the song by Mercy Me "I Can Only Imagine." It's about what we would do when we meet Jesus face to face. I imagined I would fall to my knees and simply say "thank you." The next time I heard that song I was in the midst of a storm, a messy, can't make it through this, I'm a failure storm... because yes, I still feel those storms, I just no longer let them consume my life. When I heard it I got tears in my eyes... Because as bad as things seemed in that moment I knew I would still fall to my knees and say, " thank you." Because even in that moment of despair... God is still good, I'm still ok, I'm still enough. Because I have seen dark times before and I'm still here now. Because this is my life and I'm choosing to fully live it, to feel it and make it beautiful..  even though it's ugly right now. Because He will still lead me in the right direction if I am still enough and quiet enough in my heart to listen.

 But mostly because earthly logic and solutions and ideas often don't coincide with Gods beautiful plan. Our quick to react, easy way out way of handling problems isn't His way. He knows life will stink sometimes and it will be hard, but that's also where the beauty comes. He makes beauty from ashes. I have learned that if I trust Him he will guide my heart and make beauty out of my despair.

Regrets are good and bad. I think it's good to ponder them, honor them, learn from them and fix what needs fixing. It's bad however to obsess over and beat yourself up over them. I hope to start this next chapter right where I am, with more reality, more Jesus and more joy.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Gramma Clara's Real Butter Butter Cookies and Jello frosting

I haven't blogged in forever. I miss it, I have promised myself to take the time to get back to it. I made these yummy cookies for our tailgate last night and had to share. These are the yummiest cut out cookies ever. They melt in your mouth and are perfect for every holiday and occasion. We make them every Christmas. You can decorate with sprinkles or add a frosting if you wish. Clara wasn't my Grandma, just a dear family friend that became a Grandma to me. Don't you just love friends like that!?


Gramma Clara's Real Butter Butter Cookies

1 cup  butter
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
3 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

1) Cream butter & add sugar slowly. Mix until light and fluffy.
2) Add egg and vanilla, then add sifted dry ingredient. I don't every time and they still turn out      delicious.
3) Allow to chill for about an hour. Then roll out to about 1/8" thick and cut with your favorite cookie cutters.
    Add sprinkles now if you don't want to frost them later
4) Bake at 350* for 7 minutes (or until set but not browned)
5) Allow to cool and frost.

Butter frosting

1/2 cup butter
1 pound of powdered sugar
dash of salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
2-4 tablespoons milk
1)Cream butter.
2)Gradually add powdered sugar, alternating with vanilla and milk. Add as much milk as you need to get the right consistency.
3)Tint in little bowls with food coloring and get frosting!

Jello Frosting

Mix one tub of store bought frosting with one small package of jello. Easy Peasy.

The favor is fabulous and color is perfect.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

A 12th birthday party!!!

Good morning!!

I have been on a bit of a blogger hiatus for the past 3 months. Not really a conscious hiatus... life was just busy and I think I needed to decide if I wanted to continue.

So.. while I was away my baby girl turned 12. Here is peek at her birthday party. We went to Laser tag, then came back for a sleep over. (I really dislike sleepovers. I break down on occasion and let them have one. I like routine, and control so they make me crazy. Throw in too tired, cranky kids the next day.. not my thing.) I do prefer my house though.. all my people under one roof makes me sleep better. I never liked them growing up so maybe that's my problem. Every once and a while I cave.. and I'm usually glad I did.)

We are past themed parties here.. which makes me kinda sad.. but the teal and leopard  color choices were pretty cute! 

A crate paper curtain and a basement filled with balloons. Those polka dot ones are my favorite.

Our basement has a theater screen in it and has tons of potential. I haven't done anything down there since we moved in but I am slowly working on making it a cozy place courtesy of Target and antique stores!

I love details. We had coke with pizza after a couple rounds of laser tag.

 They disappeared to the basement only to come up for food. This is the pile of staying up too late that I found in the morning. They were super good though and this was one of those times I'm glad I let her have a sleep over.

We made a pancake bar for breakfast. I wish I had better pictures.. but I wasn't blogging. ;)  
peanut butter, mini chocolate chips, whipped cream, sliced bananas, blueberries and raspberries,  sprinkles (not shown) and butter. served with sausage and hot cocoa. 

(yes, I do believe there is a pancake under neath that whipped cream!)

She had a wonderful time. I can't believe my baby girl is 12, time flies. It's good to be back, see you all soon. 

Monday, November 19, 2012

Hot Cocoa Bar

A super fun, cheap and easy party idea is a hot cocoa bar.

Cocoa could also be done in a crock pot or carafe. I bought matching mugs at the dollar store. 

Toppings included~

colored marshmallows
plain marshmallows
chocolate chips, try, white, milk, mint or swirled
red hots

Don't forget the whipped cream in a spray can!

Friday, November 16, 2012


I have been working on a gallery wall for my stair way, it is almost ready to show you all!! I just finished making scrabble art. Scott and I play words with friends all the time so I knew this would be a fun addition. This is such an easy project. 

You will need: 
Scrabble tiles (I found a game at Goodwill)
cork (fabric would work too)
a frame
spray adhesive 
hot glue

The how to:
Play with your letters to get the right lay out. Take a picture of it to revert back to. Using grid paper works well also. Cut cork to fit the backing of your frame. Use spray adhesive to attach it to the back piece of wood. This prevents and ripples or bumps. Lay out your letters in the frame. Hot glue them down one at a time.

This cute, easy project would be fun for holidays, a babies room, or a family motto!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

A Golden Anniversary

15 years ago today I married the most amazing man. I can honestly say that I am more in love with him today than ever before.  He is  my best friend, a fabulous father,  a wonderful husband and he still gives me butterflies. It hasn't always been easy, sometimes it has been harder than hard, but I know together we are strong enough to make it through anything. I thank God every day for bring him into my life and for helping us through the tough times. I am thankful we didn't give up when times got tough and instead decided to make us stronger. Scott Johnson I feel blessed and honored to be your wife.  Happy anniversary babe! The best is yet to be!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Crock Pot Taco Soup

I love using my crock pot this time of year. Crock pot says comfort to me. This Taco Soup recipe is quick, delicious and warms your cold fall days.

Taco Soup

1 pound ground beef or turkey
1 pkg. taco seasoning
1/2 c. diced onion
3/4 c. diced red, yellow or orange bell peppers
1 pkg. ranch dressing mix
1 can pinto beans, rinsed
1 can kidney beans, rinsed
1 can corn, rinsed
1 can diced tomatoes
32 oz. chicken broth
1 c. salsa
1 small can green chilies  (optional)

Brown meat and stir in taco seasoning, remove and place in crock pot. Add onions and peppers to the pan and saute . It will smell like fajitas ;) Add peppers and onion mixture to crock pot. Dump in remaining 7 ingredients. Give it a quick stir. Cook on low 4-6 hours Serve with chips, cheese and sour cream.