Regrets and Fresh Starts

As I quickly approach my 40th birthday I have been thinking a lot about what I want the next 40 years to look like. Who I want to be and what I want out of this next chapter of my life. As I look back I can't help but have some regret. You see up until the last few years I have gone through life.. without much thought, without realistic expectations, without God and without reflection.

Im finding that honoring my regrets is how I learn. I can't go back but I can embark on this next phase with more intention, more wisdom and more grace.

I regret letting those mean girls in grade school into my head. I was and am good enough. I wish I hadn't believed them. In my teens I regret doing things to fit in, regret thinking I needed a boys approval to feel confident and wish I'd have tried harder in school. Early twenties brought a husband and babies. I so wish I had just slowed down. Worried less, played more. Stressed less and relished in this precious time. I wish I had been a wife first and a mommy second. My thirties brought me teenagers. Oh how I wish I had trusted my momma heart more and thought through my decisions more thoroughly when it came to parenting decisions.  I still wish I had worried less, and slowed doooown. They don't need to grow up so fast. I am still smack dab in the middle of this season and try everyday to learn from my past mistakes.

I do reflect on what I did right too. If my late thirties taught me anything it's that there is always good and we need to seek it out all day, every day and that we are all just doing the best we can with where we are and life is all about how you look at things.

When my babies were little,  I threw fun Pinterest worthy parties long before Pinterest. I read to my babies, sang to them, built Legos, learned the difference between a backhoe and an excavator. I let my girlie wear "glip-glops" shoes to the store, and ordered endless meals from her restaurant.
I now have a good relationship with both my teens. I have mostly found that balance between parent and friend. They actually like spending time with me, so some where I did something right.

I have learned in the last few years that serving my family and my husband is not a chore, it is my calling. Mowing the lawn so my husband doesn't have to after a long day at work is a privilege not a hard ship. I now know that marriage takes work and I enjoy working at it. It takes time and I make the time. That the few minutes it takes are worth it. That if we are ok, everything will be ok. I was not raised to believe this. This is new territory for me and I feel more confident in my role as I honor my own thought and belief about my life.

Years ago I wasn't happy even though I was living my dream life. I let toxic noise from toxic people into my head, I was going through the motions, when things went wrong I couldn't handle it. I knew there had to be a better way..  I just had no idea how to get there.

But God knew.. When my world felt turned upside down he showed up a clear as day so together we could turn it right side up, the right way. I learned that this life really is what we make it, with God anything is possible and your past or what people have told you do not determine your future. That some people don't belong in your life no matter how important they are to you and that running from trouble isn't the answer. But most of all that I can be happy right here right now even when things are messy.

The other day I was listening to the song by Mercy Me "I Can Only Imagine." It's about what we would do when we meet Jesus face to face. I imagined I would fall to my knees and simply say "thank you." The next time I heard that song I was in the midst of a storm, a messy, can't make it through this, I'm a failure storm... because yes, I still feel those storms, I just no longer let them consume my life. When I heard it I got tears in my eyes... Because as bad as things seemed in that moment I knew I would still fall to my knees and say, " thank you." Because even in that moment of despair... God is still good, I'm still ok, I'm still enough. Because I have seen dark times before and I'm still here now. Because this is my life and I'm choosing to fully live it, to feel it and make it beautiful..  even though it's ugly right now. Because He will still lead me in the right direction if I am still enough and quiet enough in my heart to listen.

 But mostly because earthly logic and solutions and ideas often don't coincide with Gods beautiful plan. Our quick to react, easy way out way of handling problems isn't His way. He knows life will stink sometimes and it will be hard, but that's also where the beauty comes. He makes beauty from ashes. I have learned that if I trust Him he will guide my heart and make beauty out of my despair.

Regrets are good and bad. I think it's good to ponder them, honor them, learn from them and fix what needs fixing. It's bad however to obsess over and beat yourself up over them. I hope to start this next chapter right where I am, with more reality, more Jesus and more joy.

Playing Hooky

I took my daughter out of school this morning. No she didn't need to go to the doctor or the dentist. She need love. She has had a rough start to the school year.We had a rough morning. She left the car feeling sad, and I felt horrible sending her out in the world like that. I wasn't the kindest most patient mommy this morning. We both needed it.

In all my school age years with my kids I have never done that. I have wanted to but in the 11 years (if you count preschool) I never have. My kids turned out fine so far and they have usually forgotten their bad morning by the time I pick them up.

This morning some wonderful Mommies on face book said why not and it got me thinking.. why not? If that's what we need what is stopping me... the thing is... I would have never even considered it before. I'm not suppose to do that.. I could get caught, school will be mad. You know what I am realizing?  Better late than never.. that somethings are more important than school. So what if she misses a half an hour or a half a day for that matter. Is what she would be doing at school more important than knowing I love her.. knowing I'm sorry, knowing she is important and special?

 Nope... it isn't.  My kids are at a pivotal age, every age is really, and knowing they have my love and support is more important than anything else. More important than spelling, music or math. They need this now more than ever. They need me.

 I guess my whole point is that we know what our kids need more than anyone... and judgment or expectations from others should never be an issue when it comes to being a mother. I'm not saying take your kids outa school every time you feel like you miss them or your morning doesn't run as smoothly as you'd have liked. What I am saying is listen to your heart when it comes to your kids.

My dear friend Mr. Mecham commented on my Facebook post about pulling my kid outa school to get a donut at Starbucks... here's some more great parenting advice from Mr. Mecham...

"Your'e a great Mom Shelby! Now that our kids are grown it's funny what they remember about their childhood, but those spontaneous expressions of love are some of their best memories. When thoughts like that come to you, it's usually an indication that you should do something! You will never regret it when you do."

You know what? I feel like a great Mom and I don't regret it one bit. God gave me a huge responsibility as a Mom so I need to do it with confidence and pride. I know my baby feels loved, special and important and that is my job. Believe it or not that, more than anything else is what will make her a kind, confident, successful adult.



Linking up with Parenthood this week

On Mommyhood

I have always wanted to be a Mom. I always knew that it was my calling. I do love being a mother more than anything, but honestly, it hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. I never though about  the constant of it, the worry or the doubt.

About 5 years ago I made some comment on Facebook about how these kids of mine were making me crazy. I got a response from a man I used to work with before I had kids, he was also a  friend of my Dads. It made such an impact on me I wrote it down on a piece of scratch paper and have kept it ever since.

This is Mr. Mecham's comment to me....

"You'll miss these days... really. Well maybe not the days, but the stages that the kids are going through. I know you don't think so now but someday you'll miss helping with homework, soccer games, Halloween costumes and cutting the crust off of  PB&J's. Someday those years will just be photos on the wall and you'll wonder how it all happened so fast. Hug them twice as much today. Soon they'll be gone."

Every time I read it I get a little misty eyed. Just because it is so true. Ever since the day I read that beautifully written Facebook comment I have tried to stop and enjoy right where I am. No I don't always. But I make sure everyday to try.

Thing is, right now for me it is all happening too fast. My babies are growing up, and it does seem like yesterday they were the ones with the cute, loud,  little voices every one could hear through out the grocery store. I'm not sure how it happened but now I'm the lady telling the frazzled mom to enjoy that cuteness.

I want to tell her not to blink because too soon he will be this big, tall, hairy man, and you'll love this stage because he will start to hold the door for you, he will still make you laugh, only in a more grown up way and when you look at him you will see that sweet little boy he was but also see what a fine man he will be someday. And she will still be so cute you want to eat her up, but you will start asking her what shoes you should wear with your outfits, she will show you little glimpses of who she will become, and  it will make you proud, because you worked so hard to make her kind and strong, and respectful, and you will see that it is worth it. But you will also yearn for a chubby little hand in yours and wish you could go back to the days of Thomas the Tank Engine and pink plastic sparkly shoes. When a kiss and a hug made everything better and you could keep them safe with you.

That you will miss the days when none of you showered or got dressed and you will want someone to proudly give you a giant finger painting to hang on your wall.

And you will wish you knew back then that it's not worth the fight to get everyone smiling perfectly at the camera because you will still remember that day the same anyway.  

I know now I will miss these days right now too; the same way I miss being pregnant, miss nursing my very own little miracle in the dark, peaceful house in the middle of the night, miss sippy cups of milk, and tiny laundry to fold. I know now I will wish I had asked her one more time to tell us she was fowa (four) and wish I had had him say aculish (actually) one more time... because now I know how much I would miss those little voices. The way I  miss how they once both fit so perfectly in my lap for a story and how I wish I had seen the beauty in laying on the bed listening to them learn to read, wishing I had seen it as a privilege.

I know I will miss these days too.. and wish they hadn't gone by so darned fast. That I will look back wishing I had payed more attention, and simply relished in the fact that this is where I get to be right now.

As I have grown as a mother I have realized it will never get easy, but I have also realized I don't want easy, not really. Yes there are days I want to pull the covers back over my head and come out when life doesn't seem so exhausting. But I now know, I'd be missing some of the best years of my life, and some of the most important years of theirs. The hard times, the doubt and the worry are just a small piece of mommyhood.

The other pieces are what matters, like how in awe I still am that God trusted me with these amazing people. Or the times when I KNOW I am doing it right. The times when they show me these wonderfully kind people I am working so hard to raise. Being a mom has made me a better person, a more humble, more honest, more real person. It has also made me get to know myself so much better, I think that's what happens when you wear your heart outside of yourself.

I have a lot of mommying ahead of me, and there will be times when I wonder if we will ever make it through. But I also know I will look back on this time, right now with my kids and miss it. I know I will want this stage in our lives back too. I know I need to enjoy every moment I can, and to consciously make moments, both big and small,  that my children and I will look back on with joy.

I'm going to hug those kids three times as much today... because I know now too... soon they will be gone and these days will be missed.

Re posting for Fried Okra's Parent hood link up! There are some great posts about parenting. Stop by and check out all of the other linker!! ~Shelby

My split personality

Today my baby girl is off to the 6th grade...

 My baby boy started 8th grade last Wednesday...

I have a split personality when it comes to school starting in the fall.

I am always glad to get back in to a routine. I love the coziness of the weather changing, of shorter days and welcome my crock-pot back... I look forward to apples and pumpkins and snuggling up by the fire after a chilly soccer game. I miss my boots and scarves. I love the excitement of a new year and enjoy welcoming fall sports and earlier bedtimes. I always look forward to a little time away from the kids and it is always about time for them to have some time away from me and each other.

BUT...

I am not really ready for the lazy days of summer to be over. I am not ready to think about homework. I'm not ready for them to be gone all day. I'm not ready for other kids attitudes and ideas to rub off on my people. I'm not ready for girl drama. I'm not ready to say goodbye to sunshine, flip flops and quite days at home. I will miss the free feeling of summer. I'm not ready for it to start getting darker earlier. I'm not ready to say good bye to summer barbecues and pool days.

I feel so sad and so happy all at the same time. It feels right but not right.

By Friday I will feel like fall is where we are suppose to be, I will feel like myself again. I will be use to the quiet then the sudden chaos at 3:00. I will be thankful that I have time for me. I will be in my groove, we will be in the full swing of fall and our new routine and I will feel content and normal again.

  Until then I guess I just don't know how to feel....

So I will head to the grocery store and clean out a few cupboards...Maybe watch an episode of Hoarders on demand while I fold clothes. I will keep busy and throw myself into my new normal.

I just keep reminding myself today.....

Happy Tuesday. ~Shelby

Update....

Happy Thursday! I have not done a post in I don't know how long!  I am totally out of practice! I am not sure how much I will posting in the next few days... the kiddos will be starting school, Conner on Wednesday and Maddie right after labor day.

I have actually been trying to decide if I will to continue at all.....  we'll see.

But for now..... Here is a glimpse of what we have been up to!

A trip to Seattle.

No trip is complete with out going to Pike Place Market. I could spend hours there...

We went to the gum wall for the first time... I can't believe this has been in an alley under me every time I go to the market and I didn't know it was there!! Totally disgusting and amazing all at the same time... There is a good block of this... weird.

We rode the big Ferris Wheel over the Water..

We got the great opportunity to leave those cute kids of ours with family and Scott and I went to Victoria for a few days,  I think it is so important to get away as a couple. We love traveling with our kids but a trip now and then alone is a great way to reconnect.

We stayed at the beautiful Empress Hotel.

Had lots of couple time... with some drinks thrown in! ;) 

Visited the Butterfly Garden... 

the Butchard Gardens..

A horse drawn carriage ride.. a castle and a museum.. it was a jam packed amazingly wonderful trip!

Topped off with a breathtaking sunset on the ferry ride back to the States.

I was PERFECT.

Makin' Memories

Last week the kids and I headed to Green bluff to pick cherries and raspberries. We also go each fall  to get pumpkins and apples. We feel so fortunate to live so close to this amazing farming community and love the tradition of going out to support or local growers as well as some fabulous family time.

Scott got stuck at work so the kids and I were alone on this adventure. Would you believe there was no fighting!! ;) It was a fabulous day!

First up was Walter's fruit ranch. The kids came here for field trips to get pumpkins in preschool so it is usually one of our stops. My back window says "wash me please" My daughter writes that on there often. I live down a dirt road so she almost always has the canvas. We did wash the car on the way home! ;)

A tractor ride to the cherry trees is always fun. A spot to sit and cool off with a cup of cool water is a nice touch! :)

Makin' memories!

Next up was Hidden Acres for raspberries. This place is beautiful... I need an afternoon alone for their gift shop and an event to hold in their event space!

I love taking picture of my people walking ahead of me. Yes, my sweet thing is sticking her tongue out in one... she is being silly. It was a perfect day with my kids. I am so thankful  for days like these to connect and enjoy my kiddos!

These are the days

Happy Friday!! I am linking up with Life Rearranged for Instafriday and My Favorite Find for Fun Photo Friday!

  I'm shelbyjojo7 on Instagram,  follow along! 

Huge taco salad with all the trimmings for dinner... one of my favorite meals!

I hit 33 miles in my 45 miles in July challenge. I didn't start till the 9th so I wasn't sure I was going to make it but... I think I can do it! I am  going to do this again! Great motivator. I know that exercise helps my disposition. ;)

This cutie pie bought herself new bright yellow shades. I adore looking back while I'm driving at this cuteness. She is so much fun... I'm a blessed Momma!

This boy made himself a smoothie and took it out to stick in his cup holder to mow the lawn. Best part was he did it with out me asking or reminding. He is growing up into such a neat young man. He makes me smile and I'm so proud of him... Yep! I'm a blessed Momma! :)

I got my hair done! Geeze I neded it! Those grays won't give me a break! Thank goodness for my sweet husband and my amazing hair dresser to make me look like new again! I snapped a picture of this recipe while under the dryer, if I make it, and it's good, maybe I will share! ;). I love sitting under the dryer at the hair dressers... I love that i just get to sit and read People and I love the heat!!!

Yesterday a girlfriend and I went to a few thrift stores. I got a scrabble game for $4 for a project 

... 

and this fabulous $1.49 bracelet. 

My husband has a box like this in a rectangle shape, I found one just like it only with different inlay at a garage sale a few months back.. I got this cute little square on at a thrift store yesterday. So... I guess we collect them now!

 That is it folks! I have truly enjoyed this past week. I feel calmer and more content and I am so thankful.

These are the days

Happy Friday!! 

I'm linking up with Life Rearranged for instafriday  and My favorite Find for Fun Photo Friday .  

  This cutie showed off her muscles...                          this cutie wakes me up in the morning... not too early

                            Maddie gave us both a mani pedi. Sally Hansen instadry is amazing!

 Thrifting with my mom and the kids, with ice cream to end the afternoon. I love me some Goodwill.




Maddie baked a cake... deliciously not good for my waistline!

Weeded the garden and got my first little harvest! 5 green beans, a jalapeno, and onion and some tiny potatoes. Seriously, the backs of my thighs are sore from weeding! Gardening is hard work!

Conner rearranged his room to be by the window one night... and apparently found every blanket in the house to make his "nest"... there is actually a very large, little boy in that bed.

Hung out at friends pool yesterday instead of laundry... or vacuuming up dog hair or buying peanut butter... or doing the dishes in the sink. It was fabulous and I loved every minute of it!


Finished mile 22 of 45! #45milesinjuly challenge. 
I am user name  shelbyjojo7 on instagram... follow me!


Off to do chores I slacked on yesterday! Have a fabulous weekend!! TGIF!!!!!

These are the days...

Linking up with Life Rearranged for Instafriday and My Favorite Finds... here's a glimpse of what's been going on around here....

Conner has been his goofy little big self... asked him to help me take a mattress down the stairs and he took it for a joy ride,  Doyle chasing after him... boys!! :)

I made delicious ribs for dinner... one of our favorite meals!

Miss Maddie has swimmers ear... so we are taking a few days off from the pool.

I am 11.5 miles in on my 45 miles in July challenge... started taking my iPod instead of listening to Pandora on my phone. Around here I hit dead zones and can't stand listening to myself breathe if I am running jogging. I think I'm dying.

We all loaded up in the car, Doyle included and went to Manito park for a walk after dinner. Manito is one of the prettiest parks around. Someday I will have to go take a bunch of photos to share. Cuz sharing and caring are cool.... a Care bear told me that once years ago.

From the park we walked to The Scoop for ice cream. Cutest most yummiest ice cream shop ever...

I have been working on getting our master done. Painting will come next... I know it seems weird to hang then paint.. but I'm crazy like that. So many holes in the wall from previous owner I have to fill... I want to be sure where I want stuff before I fill holes. Plus I'm famous for making 3 holes to hang something because I don't like where it ended up.

I love how it is turning out!! More to come later!!

Have a fabulous weekend!! ~Shelby