Regrets and Fresh Starts

As I quickly approach my 40th birthday I have been thinking a lot about what I want the next 40 years to look like. Who I want to be and what I want out of this next chapter of my life. As I look back I can't help but have some regret. You see up until the last few years I have gone through life.. without much thought, without realistic expectations, without God and without reflection.

Im finding that honoring my regrets is how I learn. I can't go back but I can embark on this next phase with more intention, more wisdom and more grace.

I regret letting those mean girls in grade school into my head. I was and am good enough. I wish I hadn't believed them. In my teens I regret doing things to fit in, regret thinking I needed a boys approval to feel confident and wish I'd have tried harder in school. Early twenties brought a husband and babies. I so wish I had just slowed down. Worried less, played more. Stressed less and relished in this precious time. I wish I had been a wife first and a mommy second. My thirties brought me teenagers. Oh how I wish I had trusted my momma heart more and thought through my decisions more thoroughly when it came to parenting decisions.  I still wish I had worried less, and slowed doooown. They don't need to grow up so fast. I am still smack dab in the middle of this season and try everyday to learn from my past mistakes.

I do reflect on what I did right too. If my late thirties taught me anything it's that there is always good and we need to seek it out all day, every day and that we are all just doing the best we can with where we are and life is all about how you look at things.

When my babies were little,  I threw fun Pinterest worthy parties long before Pinterest. I read to my babies, sang to them, built Legos, learned the difference between a backhoe and an excavator. I let my girlie wear "glip-glops" shoes to the store, and ordered endless meals from her restaurant.
I now have a good relationship with both my teens. I have mostly found that balance between parent and friend. They actually like spending time with me, so some where I did something right.

I have learned in the last few years that serving my family and my husband is not a chore, it is my calling. Mowing the lawn so my husband doesn't have to after a long day at work is a privilege not a hard ship. I now know that marriage takes work and I enjoy working at it. It takes time and I make the time. That the few minutes it takes are worth it. That if we are ok, everything will be ok. I was not raised to believe this. This is new territory for me and I feel more confident in my role as I honor my own thought and belief about my life.

Years ago I wasn't happy even though I was living my dream life. I let toxic noise from toxic people into my head, I was going through the motions, when things went wrong I couldn't handle it. I knew there had to be a better way..  I just had no idea how to get there.

But God knew.. When my world felt turned upside down he showed up a clear as day so together we could turn it right side up, the right way. I learned that this life really is what we make it, with God anything is possible and your past or what people have told you do not determine your future. That some people don't belong in your life no matter how important they are to you and that running from trouble isn't the answer. But most of all that I can be happy right here right now even when things are messy.

The other day I was listening to the song by Mercy Me "I Can Only Imagine." It's about what we would do when we meet Jesus face to face. I imagined I would fall to my knees and simply say "thank you." The next time I heard that song I was in the midst of a storm, a messy, can't make it through this, I'm a failure storm... because yes, I still feel those storms, I just no longer let them consume my life. When I heard it I got tears in my eyes... Because as bad as things seemed in that moment I knew I would still fall to my knees and say, " thank you." Because even in that moment of despair... God is still good, I'm still ok, I'm still enough. Because I have seen dark times before and I'm still here now. Because this is my life and I'm choosing to fully live it, to feel it and make it beautiful..  even though it's ugly right now. Because He will still lead me in the right direction if I am still enough and quiet enough in my heart to listen.

 But mostly because earthly logic and solutions and ideas often don't coincide with Gods beautiful plan. Our quick to react, easy way out way of handling problems isn't His way. He knows life will stink sometimes and it will be hard, but that's also where the beauty comes. He makes beauty from ashes. I have learned that if I trust Him he will guide my heart and make beauty out of my despair.

Regrets are good and bad. I think it's good to ponder them, honor them, learn from them and fix what needs fixing. It's bad however to obsess over and beat yourself up over them. I hope to start this next chapter right where I am, with more reality, more Jesus and more joy.

A 12th birthday party!!!

Good morning!!

I have been on a bit of a blogger hiatus for the past 3 months. Not really a conscious hiatus... life was just busy and I think I needed to decide if I wanted to continue.

So.. while I was away my baby girl turned 12. Here is peek at her birthday party. We went to Laser tag, then came back for a sleep over. (I really dislike sleepovers. I break down on occasion and let them have one. I like routine, and control so they make me crazy. Throw in too tired, cranky kids the next day.. not my thing.) I do prefer my house though.. all my people under one roof makes me sleep better. I never liked them growing up so maybe that's my problem. Every once and a while I cave.. and I'm usually glad I did.)

We are past themed parties here.. which makes me kinda sad.. but the teal and leopard  color choices were pretty cute! 

A crate paper curtain and a basement filled with balloons. Those polka dot ones are my favorite.

Our basement has a theater screen in it and has tons of potential. I haven't done anything down there since we moved in but I am slowly working on making it a cozy place courtesy of Target and antique stores!

I love details. We had coke with pizza after a couple rounds of laser tag.

 They disappeared to the basement only to come up for food. This is the pile of staying up too late that I found in the morning. They were super good though and this was one of those times I'm glad I let her have a sleep over.

We made a pancake bar for breakfast. I wish I had better pictures.. but I wasn't blogging. ;)  

peanut butter, mini chocolate chips, whipped cream, sliced bananas, blueberries and raspberries,  sprinkles (not shown) and butter. served with sausage and hot cocoa. 

(yes, I do believe there is a pancake under neath that whipped cream!)

She had a wonderful time. I can't believe my baby girl is 12, time flies. It's good to be back, see you all soon. 

Playing Hooky

I took my daughter out of school this morning. No she didn't need to go to the doctor or the dentist. She need love. She has had a rough start to the school year.We had a rough morning. She left the car feeling sad, and I felt horrible sending her out in the world like that. I wasn't the kindest most patient mommy this morning. We both needed it.

In all my school age years with my kids I have never done that. I have wanted to but in the 11 years (if you count preschool) I never have. My kids turned out fine so far and they have usually forgotten their bad morning by the time I pick them up.

This morning some wonderful Mommies on face book said why not and it got me thinking.. why not? If that's what we need what is stopping me... the thing is... I would have never even considered it before. I'm not suppose to do that.. I could get caught, school will be mad. You know what I am realizing?  Better late than never.. that somethings are more important than school. So what if she misses a half an hour or a half a day for that matter. Is what she would be doing at school more important than knowing I love her.. knowing I'm sorry, knowing she is important and special?

 Nope... it isn't.  My kids are at a pivotal age, every age is really, and knowing they have my love and support is more important than anything else. More important than spelling, music or math. They need this now more than ever. They need me.

 I guess my whole point is that we know what our kids need more than anyone... and judgment or expectations from others should never be an issue when it comes to being a mother. I'm not saying take your kids outa school every time you feel like you miss them or your morning doesn't run as smoothly as you'd have liked. What I am saying is listen to your heart when it comes to your kids.

My dear friend Mr. Mecham commented on my Facebook post about pulling my kid outa school to get a donut at Starbucks... here's some more great parenting advice from Mr. Mecham...

"Your'e a great Mom Shelby! Now that our kids are grown it's funny what they remember about their childhood, but those spontaneous expressions of love are some of their best memories. When thoughts like that come to you, it's usually an indication that you should do something! You will never regret it when you do."

You know what? I feel like a great Mom and I don't regret it one bit. God gave me a huge responsibility as a Mom so I need to do it with confidence and pride. I know my baby feels loved, special and important and that is my job. Believe it or not that, more than anything else is what will make her a kind, confident, successful adult.



Linking up with Parenthood this week

On Mommyhood

I have always wanted to be a Mom. I always knew that it was my calling. I do love being a mother more than anything, but honestly, it hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be. I never though about  the constant of it, the worry or the doubt.

About 5 years ago I made some comment on Facebook about how these kids of mine were making me crazy. I got a response from a man I used to work with before I had kids, he was also a  friend of my Dads. It made such an impact on me I wrote it down on a piece of scratch paper and have kept it ever since.

This is Mr. Mecham's comment to me....

"You'll miss these days... really. Well maybe not the days, but the stages that the kids are going through. I know you don't think so now but someday you'll miss helping with homework, soccer games, Halloween costumes and cutting the crust off of  PB&J's. Someday those years will just be photos on the wall and you'll wonder how it all happened so fast. Hug them twice as much today. Soon they'll be gone."

Every time I read it I get a little misty eyed. Just because it is so true. Ever since the day I read that beautifully written Facebook comment I have tried to stop and enjoy right where I am. No I don't always. But I make sure everyday to try.

Thing is, right now for me it is all happening too fast. My babies are growing up, and it does seem like yesterday they were the ones with the cute, loud,  little voices every one could hear through out the grocery store. I'm not sure how it happened but now I'm the lady telling the frazzled mom to enjoy that cuteness.

I want to tell her not to blink because too soon he will be this big, tall, hairy man, and you'll love this stage because he will start to hold the door for you, he will still make you laugh, only in a more grown up way and when you look at him you will see that sweet little boy he was but also see what a fine man he will be someday. And she will still be so cute you want to eat her up, but you will start asking her what shoes you should wear with your outfits, she will show you little glimpses of who she will become, and  it will make you proud, because you worked so hard to make her kind and strong, and respectful, and you will see that it is worth it. But you will also yearn for a chubby little hand in yours and wish you could go back to the days of Thomas the Tank Engine and pink plastic sparkly shoes. When a kiss and a hug made everything better and you could keep them safe with you.

That you will miss the days when none of you showered or got dressed and you will want someone to proudly give you a giant finger painting to hang on your wall.

And you will wish you knew back then that it's not worth the fight to get everyone smiling perfectly at the camera because you will still remember that day the same anyway.  

I know now I will miss these days right now too; the same way I miss being pregnant, miss nursing my very own little miracle in the dark, peaceful house in the middle of the night, miss sippy cups of milk, and tiny laundry to fold. I know now I will wish I had asked her one more time to tell us she was fowa (four) and wish I had had him say aculish (actually) one more time... because now I know how much I would miss those little voices. The way I  miss how they once both fit so perfectly in my lap for a story and how I wish I had seen the beauty in laying on the bed listening to them learn to read, wishing I had seen it as a privilege.

I know I will miss these days too.. and wish they hadn't gone by so darned fast. That I will look back wishing I had payed more attention, and simply relished in the fact that this is where I get to be right now.

As I have grown as a mother I have realized it will never get easy, but I have also realized I don't want easy, not really. Yes there are days I want to pull the covers back over my head and come out when life doesn't seem so exhausting. But I now know, I'd be missing some of the best years of my life, and some of the most important years of theirs. The hard times, the doubt and the worry are just a small piece of mommyhood.

The other pieces are what matters, like how in awe I still am that God trusted me with these amazing people. Or the times when I KNOW I am doing it right. The times when they show me these wonderfully kind people I am working so hard to raise. Being a mom has made me a better person, a more humble, more honest, more real person. It has also made me get to know myself so much better, I think that's what happens when you wear your heart outside of yourself.

I have a lot of mommying ahead of me, and there will be times when I wonder if we will ever make it through. But I also know I will look back on this time, right now with my kids and miss it. I know I will want this stage in our lives back too. I know I need to enjoy every moment I can, and to consciously make moments, both big and small,  that my children and I will look back on with joy.

I'm going to hug those kids three times as much today... because I know now too... soon they will be gone and these days will be missed.

Re posting for Fried Okra's Parent hood link up! There are some great posts about parenting. Stop by and check out all of the other linker!! ~Shelby

My split personality

Today my baby girl is off to the 6th grade...

 My baby boy started 8th grade last Wednesday...

I have a split personality when it comes to school starting in the fall.

I am always glad to get back in to a routine. I love the coziness of the weather changing, of shorter days and welcome my crock-pot back... I look forward to apples and pumpkins and snuggling up by the fire after a chilly soccer game. I miss my boots and scarves. I love the excitement of a new year and enjoy welcoming fall sports and earlier bedtimes. I always look forward to a little time away from the kids and it is always about time for them to have some time away from me and each other.

BUT...

I am not really ready for the lazy days of summer to be over. I am not ready to think about homework. I'm not ready for them to be gone all day. I'm not ready for other kids attitudes and ideas to rub off on my people. I'm not ready for girl drama. I'm not ready to say goodbye to sunshine, flip flops and quite days at home. I will miss the free feeling of summer. I'm not ready for it to start getting darker earlier. I'm not ready to say good bye to summer barbecues and pool days.

I feel so sad and so happy all at the same time. It feels right but not right.

By Friday I will feel like fall is where we are suppose to be, I will feel like myself again. I will be use to the quiet then the sudden chaos at 3:00. I will be thankful that I have time for me. I will be in my groove, we will be in the full swing of fall and our new routine and I will feel content and normal again.

  Until then I guess I just don't know how to feel....

So I will head to the grocery store and clean out a few cupboards...Maybe watch an episode of Hoarders on demand while I fold clothes. I will keep busy and throw myself into my new normal.

I just keep reminding myself today.....

Happy Tuesday. ~Shelby

Just a Thought...

Words I'm needing this week..

 Happy Tuesday!

Conner's room

Today is Conner's turn to show off his room. I showed you Maddie's new room here.

Conner's room is so him. That's what I love about decorating. You can mix together what ever you want to be YOU. I think too that as kids get older and are entering their teenage years it is nice to have reminders of who they were, who they are and where they come from. These years can be confusing and I think it's nice to have their refuge remind them who they are.

It is a combination outdoorsy and history, with alot of Conner thrown in.

An encouraging note from Dad, a beautiful bible verse, and quote on nothing being Impossible next to his bed. 

I'd love to find some old fishing poles to go above the windows.

We moved Conner's alarm clock over to the window sill so he would have to get out of bed to turn it off. Works like a charm! He is up on his own most days! ;)

Little reminders of the little boy he was. 

Some of his beloved books and treasures. Notice the note I told you about still on the book case... under his bed is clean so maybe it does work! 

His birth date is on the old piece of cedar. I got it from a friend whose fence blew down. The numbers are from Hobby Lobby. 

The lyrics to the song sung at both my grandparents funerals and the cross he got when baptized.

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why." quote by Mark Twain, surrounded by pictures of who he was and is.

Linking up with Thrifty Decor Chick again today for May Show us your House. 

Thanks for stopping by! ~Shelby

Maddie's room

The kids recently moved bed rooms so it was a great time to make them a little more grown up. Their new rooms will carry them through till they move out. I think it is harder to "decorate" kids rooms as they get older. They have their own opinions and and are in more control of their stuff.

Maddie likes her stuff and what I see as clutter sometimes she sees as treasure. She decided where things would be hung and what would be hung, more than before. Another lesson in letting go, I guess!

 When we moved in this room had no window or closet and was painted really dark. We put a window in and repainted and I love how cheerful it is! New carpet, through out the house, is on the list, the very long, $$$ list!!

Bedding from Target, Smile picture from Pier 1, night stand from Costco, teal switch plate from Hobby Lobby.

a place for treasures.

teal cube and cubbies  from Target, 

The little vanity was from my Grandma house, it is perfect since she shares a bath room with Conner. It has been this peachy color my whole life. Someday I will stop being so sentimental, paint it white, and add those cute teal glass knobs I bought. ;)

Dresser from Costco

This is her closet until we put the closet in, it will be soon. It is just a metal wardrobe. We wanted a way to "Close the door" in other words "hide the stuff" so I put a shower curtain up, I simply hooked the shower hooks to the metal frame. It works well for now.

My favorite part is her gallery wall. I did one in the stair way and both kids requested their own. These are mostly clearance and garage sale finds. It is a wonderful reminder of who she is and where she came from. 

I still plan on switching the ceiling lights to cute, little chandeliers, but I want them cheap... oil cloth to cover the vanity stool, and of course a real closet. 

The paint color is Spa from Sherwin Williams. 

I'm linking up with Thrifty Decor Chick for May Show us your House. If I could figure out how to put the cute button here I would! ;)

Thanks for stopping by! ~Shelby

Best boy books

My boy is a reader. He reads alot and he reads fast. He started reading late, according to the school. Towards the end of second grade he caught on he was hooked. It is not rare to find him doing this...

I too am a lover of books. I thought I could share a few segments on my favorites for myself, girls, boys, little ones, and cookbooks.



Today I will start with books my boy is loving now and a few that got him reading. I will not tell you what ages I think they are for. Check them out at the book store or on Amazon. Every child is different and not reading at the same pace. I for one am tired of kids being told where they "should" be academically. So there! I have tried to put them in some order. I have so many ideas I did not link them all to Amazon as I had hoped. But you know the laundry still needs to be done... so... I made the pictures bigger! That way you can search them yourself. Ha! I'm clever like that.


As Conner has gotten older I have worried a bit about the material he is reading, I know they up the sex, language and violence. I came across this website that I have found super helpful when saying yes or no to a series.

http://www.theliteratemother.org/ 

This site rates a book on sexual content, language, violence and even, alcohol reference. Plus it tells you exactly why and where in the book it got the rating it did. This way you can use your own judgment and are sure you are sticking with your families values.  Love this lady! She's part of the village it takes to raise great kids I tell you!

We started here.......

BOB BOOKS

These are what really helped Conner learn to read, these and an AMAZING teacher. I highly recommend them for beginning reads.

  Magic Tree House

Once Conner became a confident reader books were his favorite, He read every one. I have kept them for Conner's kids. And because they remind me off that little 1st grade boy, with teeth missing. They are a perfect read for little boys with big imaginations.

Ralph S. Mouse Series by Beverly Cleary, Mr. Popper's Penguins, E. B. White books are my favorites Stuart Little,  Trumpet of the Swan and my all time favorite book ever, Charlotte's Web. The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane was a book I read to the kids. The Little Auto by Lois Lenski  is adorable. We must have read it a million times. Where the Sidewalk Ends.. a classic.

 My Father's Dragon was another favorite.

Swindle, Zoobreak, Mr. Chickee's Funny Money, And the ever popular Diary of a Wimpy Kid Series.

These are all ones he has read in the past. Hatchet and the Peter and the Starcatchers stand out as favorites.

 I can honestly say I have not read a single Harry Potter book, but Conner loved them! The Rangers Apprentice and The Percy Jackson Series were popular too. Number the Stars was a good one for my history buff. (not shown because it is at school for a report on Denmark)

Both of the other Hunger Games books are on loan. Mocking Jay is #3, I think. The content is disturbing but we loved them. The Last Lecture by the late Randy Pausch was a book I read and thought Conner might enjoy. He loved it and it is such a powerful message about life. You will see it again on my favorite books!

Pendragon Series
He got the first few of these for Christmas and was hooked. He did say they got kind of weird though.

These are hit no matter how old they are.

This one was a must have in the 3rd grade.

These are so great! They have Girl ones too. They teach you how to tie knots, do cart wheels, make invisible ink, all sorts of great to know, fun, useful stuff. Conner was going to run away from home one day years ago. He packed this book, a flashlight and his blanket. He only made it to the mail boxes. :)

And last but not least. The train catalog. Conner and my Dad (Boppo we call him) LOVE trains. Conner has been scouring over these Walther's train catalog since he was probably 2 years old. He still loves them.

Conner actually has a learning disability, because if this, something he finds difficult is to put what he knows or thinks down on paper. If he reads the book for a book report I will then read it too, so I can help him organize this thoughts and I know what questions to ask him. This is how we can achieve an actual report that is cohesive and makes sense. So, many of the books I have actually read myself. I plan on telling you all about my wonderful little man and his journey soon.



Any questions or new book suggestions for my boy I'd love to hear them!! Read on! ~Shelby